A Letter To My Inner Feminist
April 4, 2022
None of us are perfect and we never can be. But, as an individual who is discovering life through new turns everyday, I can change my perceptions to become a better person–embrace my inner feminist. Gradually and with patience, I seek to support fellow women who have fallen prey to patriarchy.
– By Rushika Chawla
Dear inner feminist,
You are that one part of me that is always budding and growing, pleading and convincing me to forget the internalized and problematic words preached to me from the start. Somewhere along the road of growing up, you introduced yourself in my Political Science textbook, and to date, you have latched your ideas inside my mind, giving me the strength to embrace, appreciate, and fight this patriarchal society. At times, I misunderstood your meaning, but now I am beginning to realize the path to gender equality that you want me to take. I am still learning what you mean to me and how we, together, affect the lives of people around us.
I am aware of the fact that sometimes I come across as a hypocrite when I show you off to the world. You reprimand me for my fake acceptance and then show me your true side repeatedly so I learn. I understand you want my attention, so I do not give my power to others. But, as easy as it sounds, it is hard for me for I have been bred to have low- self-esteem—be timid because I am supposed to be an easy target not only for other genders but mine too. All because of a simple age-old tactic of pinning women against each other. I agree, I have to be my own authority and believe in you and my gut so I become a true feminist but how do I shed the layers formed by years of learning the wrong things from school, parents, and Bollywood! Before I could understand what was right and wrong, I was given a definition of what was true for me as a woman. From watching movies that generalized being sacrificial rather than being independent; from having women in my home struggling for freedom, while the men held them on a leash; from observing no female sports teachers to following all the rules but still being chided for voicing my opinions, I molded myself into a perfect woman forgetting that there is no such thing as perfection but only imperfections that make me a human before a woman.
Sadly, I have preached to you without reaching a standard, where I can call you a true part of myself. I have spread rumors, been jealous of others, basked in compliments of “being different from other women,” not liking make-up, and also laughing at some for being homemakers. I take responsibility for glorifying you without listening to my heart and using you even though I misunderstood you all those years. I am learning though. Through every mistake I have made, without listening to you, I promise to get better. I apologize for becoming yet another hurdle for women on a quest to find their own feminist. Trust me, I am walking on the same path, just a little behind.
You have yet to mature with me and I am yet to fully embrace you and accept my sexuality, my power, my voice, and the choices I make. I am still shaping myself to become a better person. I am a feminist in learning. As Beyoncé said, “We need to reshape our own perception of how we view ourselves. We have to step up as women and take the lead.”